Even I always posted my writings on afternoon, actually I'm writing this past midnight, since my brain always goes overclocked once the clock chimes 12 times. Okay enough the formality now we get to business: we are discussing one of the hottest topic in the 21st century : monogamous behaviour and of course, LGBTQASDF++++ (i don't even know the acronym anymore)
Have you ever thought before, apart from religious reason, if we are indeed created as one male and one female? Actually this classic statement contains two informations : First, it says that we are monogamous creature. Second, it says that we are heterosexual. One man for one woman. However, if you think that is human nature, we are going to talk. I even learned a lot of surprising facts from writing this post.
Have you ever thought before, apart from religious reason, if we are indeed created as one male and one female? Actually this classic statement contains two informations : First, it says that we are monogamous creature. Second, it says that we are heterosexual. One man for one woman. However, if you think that is human nature, we are going to talk. I even learned a lot of surprising facts from writing this post.
Social and Sexual Monogamy
First of all, let's clear some things. We divide our monogamous behaviour into two kinds : social and sexual. Social means the behaviour of sharing living space, social pair, without inferring any sexual interactions or reproductive patterns. Basically : living together. Sexual means single sexual partner, I think this should be clear. Based on our tradition and modern culture, we "formalise" both of these forms in term of marriage.
But I should remind you : the term "marriage" is 1. Only for us, human beings, 2. Created by us. Which means, marriage is just an agreement and promise between to parties, but it is nothing that physically forbid either party to break it. The role of this behaviour becomes so important among us, that we need this formalisation to make sure it stays that way.
Which one is more important? I can not answer for everyone. Reality says that there are more and more couples prioritise the social part, which means a couple that lives their life together and give each other freedom in the sexual relationship. However, there are also couples that stay together just for the sake of the sexual relationship, but not pour their heart and effort to the marriage itself. As someone who never experiences marriage before, this situation is really interesting for me to observe.
Surprisingly there is a similarity between the social-only-monogamy in animals and human beings. One word : parents. There are a lot of couples that stay together just for their children, and this behaviour is well-known among animals : Paternal care in monogamous species is commonly displayed through carrying, feeding, defending, and socialising offspring. The motivation behind is not the relationship itself.
However, have you ever asked, do we born to be a monogamous culture, or is it a social norm?
But I should remind you : the term "marriage" is 1. Only for us, human beings, 2. Created by us. Which means, marriage is just an agreement and promise between to parties, but it is nothing that physically forbid either party to break it. The role of this behaviour becomes so important among us, that we need this formalisation to make sure it stays that way.
Which one is more important? I can not answer for everyone. Reality says that there are more and more couples prioritise the social part, which means a couple that lives their life together and give each other freedom in the sexual relationship. However, there are also couples that stay together just for the sake of the sexual relationship, but not pour their heart and effort to the marriage itself. As someone who never experiences marriage before, this situation is really interesting for me to observe.
Surprisingly there is a similarity between the social-only-monogamy in animals and human beings. One word : parents. There are a lot of couples that stay together just for their children, and this behaviour is well-known among animals : Paternal care in monogamous species is commonly displayed through carrying, feeding, defending, and socialising offspring. The motivation behind is not the relationship itself.
However, have you ever asked, do we born to be a monogamous culture, or is it a social norm?
Genetic Monogamy
If we are born as a monogamous culture, it only means one thing : it is build in our gene. This is often called as 'Genetic monogamy'. Our DNA basically dictate the practice of monogamy, not the social and behavioural norms. However, the fact shows otherwise. Experts believe there are few primates and birds that are genetically monogamous, and the two most famous ones are the marmoset and the tamarin.
Are we also included in this group? This behaviour could be proven easily among us. If we are indeed genetically monogamous, we could only mate if and only if we are in relationship. This is certainly not the situation among us, which means we are not genetically monogamous. Let me say it again once more : the social norm makes us monogamous. Who created the social norm? Ourselves. So, whenever you think being monogamous is hard and tiring, you have the choice not to. (I'm not asking you not to be monogamous, I'm just saying you could not be.)
Are we also included in this group? This behaviour could be proven easily among us. If we are indeed genetically monogamous, we could only mate if and only if we are in relationship. This is certainly not the situation among us, which means we are not genetically monogamous. Let me say it again once more : the social norm makes us monogamous. Who created the social norm? Ourselves. So, whenever you think being monogamous is hard and tiring, you have the choice not to. (I'm not asking you not to be monogamous, I'm just saying you could not be.)
The Causes for Monogamous Behaviour Among Human Beings
Before I get killed by biology majors, I will stop trying to explain those things since I'm neither an expert or a student in this part of science. What I want to discuss is about the role of social pressure and society forming the sexual behaviour, even sexual preference among us. Obsessive behaviour is the most observable special trait in human beings. Obsession makes us become a monogamous species, it's all in our brain. In a relationship, every party wants their partner to be ready to give most effort and thoughts into the relationship. Most means majority, that's why without obsession, there is no monogamous relationship.
We don't need every individual to think this way to shape the collective norm, we just need the majority of them. When most of us let our obsessive trait rule our life, monogamy becomes the culture. When something becomes a culture, it means blending with the society makes your survival chance higher. Our brain understands this really well, that's why preserving the culture is more important to our survival if not as important as the sake for culture itself.
However, what comes next could shake our foundation of culture's role on survival instinct. The minority: LGBTQ+ community. They don't belong to the culture, which means also lower survival chance. But if you are not living under the rock, the movement of this community could change everything. Before we go into the movement itself, there is something more important than the role in the society: it is the role in the evolution.
We don't need every individual to think this way to shape the collective norm, we just need the majority of them. When most of us let our obsessive trait rule our life, monogamy becomes the culture. When something becomes a culture, it means blending with the society makes your survival chance higher. Our brain understands this really well, that's why preserving the culture is more important to our survival if not as important as the sake for culture itself.
However, what comes next could shake our foundation of culture's role on survival instinct. The minority: LGBTQ+ community. They don't belong to the culture, which means also lower survival chance. But if you are not living under the rock, the movement of this community could change everything. Before we go into the movement itself, there is something more important than the role in the society: it is the role in the evolution.
No One Is Born Gay?
It is an acknowledgement that science still does not able to tell us what should be plainly obvious: gays, lesbians, bisexuals and pansexuals are who they are (stand April 2020). There is no gay gene, or something else like that. However, is there actually a heterosexual gene? There are new emerging researches that support or counter these arguments, which means there is also no 100% sure answer to this question. One thing certain, the basic of our collective survival instinct as a species dictates us to reproduce, and that could only happen by mating, a sexual act between a male and female, same as other mammal species.
However, our goal as human beings have shifted since the first humans. Keeping our bloodline alive may not be our first priority anymore, not everyone wants to reproduce and have a child. (I used to think that the act of not having a child is against the survival instinct, but apparently it's not. But I am not gonna discuss more about this behaviour in particular, since it is way outside knowledge. If you want to learn more about this, take a look at Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene.) What I want to discuss is the form of social and sexual relationship is not only for the sake of reproducing. For a lot of couples, there are a lot more to achieve than just having descendants, one of with basically having a beautiful life together as a couple, and this is what becomes my basic thesis for sexual preferences.
There are a lot of opinion about whether the variety of sexual preferences is a natural thing to happen among our species. If we apply the term "homosexual" to other species, the most related phenomenon is parenting with two males two females. These researches are still highly debatable, including among zoologist due to the high tendency of bias from the researches. However - whether it is natural or not - we could conclude : this phenomenon among human beings are the easiest to observe, especially in the last centuries, and the social condition and environment clearly plays a really high role towards the variety of sexual preferences.
However, our goal as human beings have shifted since the first humans. Keeping our bloodline alive may not be our first priority anymore, not everyone wants to reproduce and have a child. (I used to think that the act of not having a child is against the survival instinct, but apparently it's not. But I am not gonna discuss more about this behaviour in particular, since it is way outside knowledge. If you want to learn more about this, take a look at Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene.) What I want to discuss is the form of social and sexual relationship is not only for the sake of reproducing. For a lot of couples, there are a lot more to achieve than just having descendants, one of with basically having a beautiful life together as a couple, and this is what becomes my basic thesis for sexual preferences.
There are a lot of opinion about whether the variety of sexual preferences is a natural thing to happen among our species. If we apply the term "homosexual" to other species, the most related phenomenon is parenting with two males two females. These researches are still highly debatable, including among zoologist due to the high tendency of bias from the researches. However - whether it is natural or not - we could conclude : this phenomenon among human beings are the easiest to observe, especially in the last centuries, and the social condition and environment clearly plays a really high role towards the variety of sexual preferences.
Do We Need To Respect Those Sexual Preferences?
Let's compare it to something that causes as much controversy as sexual preferences : religion. There are a lot of people who were born in a religious family, including myself. In most of this situation, the babies were 'naturally' born having a certain religion, same as their parents. During their growth and development becoming adults, they might change their preference. They might change their religion, they might become an atheist, or they might have their own understanding and not belong to certain group. There are a lot of factors may come to play, but in the end we try to respect every man's opinion, as long they don't hurt us and don't create harm in the society.
Why don't we do the same to sexual preferences? All of us might be born 'naturally' with a certain preference. During our life, it could change. We learn more about ourselves. We might deviate from the majority : we could change our preference into other 'common' preference such as homosexual or becoming transgender, or we could also add another preference in the 'ASDF+' part. Either way, it has to be respected, as long they don't cause harm and disturbance in the society.
There is no other way than saying that LGBTQ+ is not the most common sexual preference. Heterosexual is still the one. However, it doesn't mean we need to ban variety and plurality among our own species. After all, we just want to survive. As always, share love and peace.
p.s. I want to personally thank my friend Dhea Kirana, who gives me a lot of insights in the biology world, something that I'm not an expert or a future expert myself.
Why don't we do the same to sexual preferences? All of us might be born 'naturally' with a certain preference. During our life, it could change. We learn more about ourselves. We might deviate from the majority : we could change our preference into other 'common' preference such as homosexual or becoming transgender, or we could also add another preference in the 'ASDF+' part. Either way, it has to be respected, as long they don't cause harm and disturbance in the society.
A Message For You
There is no other way than saying that LGBTQ+ is not the most common sexual preference. Heterosexual is still the one. However, it doesn't mean we need to ban variety and plurality among our own species. After all, we just want to survive. As always, share love and peace.
p.s. I want to personally thank my friend Dhea Kirana, who gives me a lot of insights in the biology world, something that I'm not an expert or a future expert myself.
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